Why You Should Destroy Earth & Humanity
by The Wolf That Got Away
Summary: A quick drabble inspired by a TV Tropes page titled "Why You Should Destroy Planet Earth". Go check it out at the TV Tropes website.


**Why You Should Destroy Earth & Humanity**

Hey, you! Yeah, you! I heard you're either some Fanatical Purifiers lookin' for filthy xenos to blow up, or Slaving Despots with keen eyes for potential slave labor, or even some Mega Corporate expansionists in need of new income, yeah?! Well, good news! I've got a deal to make with you; see that green-and-blue planet over there? That, my buddy, is Earth, and it's crawling with terrible sapients with equally terrible taste in music and fashion. Why don't you do the galaxy a favor and destroy it for us?

What's that?! You lack the motivation to get rid of them? Do you require a damn good reason to blow up the planet them "human" monkeys called Earth? Don't worry about it. Come here; I'll show you several perfectly valid reasons to destroy Earth and its inhabitants.

Reason number one: BECAUSE HUMANS ARE BASTARDS.

Do you see yourselves as the forces of good and holiness while the humans are the legions of darkness? Do you believe that you are the only one standing between us and the nightmare that is Humanity? I think you might be right! Here's why:

1\. Humans enjoy warfare so much. It'll be a matter of time before they begin invading other alien races, so why don't you stop them before they get too strong?

2\. Heck, humans are already destroying themselves, so why don't you help them die quicker, lest they drag us down with them?

3\. Humans are violent, ungrateful youngsters who'll disturb your status quo, which was built upon wisdom, peace, and enlightenment.

4\. In fact, humans are not afraid of teaching their kid geniuses how to wage war with aliens, and will invariably turn their children into super soldiers with unfathomable powers!

5\. Humans see themselves as the center of the universe; would you kindly show them how wrong they are?

6\. Humans have disgusting cuisine.

7\. Humans have terrible music genres like pop, death metal, and rap.

8\. Humans have a poor sense of fashion.

9\. Humans are beyond any form of religious salvation, so it's only fair to deliver an apocalypse upon them.

Reason number two: BECAUSE ALIENS ARE BASTARDS.

Ok, so you are not a force of good? Are you an Omnicidal Maniac, a Mad Space Scientist, or just a generic extraterrestrial invader looking for something to conquer? Sure, why not; I'll give you some proper excuses to motivate you to obliterate Earth and its puny Earthlings:

1\. The total destruction of Humanity will bring glory to your race.

2\. Humans pose the potential to topple your space empire. Every threat to your glorious empire must be eliminated as soon as possible, right?

3\. You just don't want anyone to be your neighbor, and Humanity just happens to be that neighbor you hate so badly.

4\. You created the Human race specifically to become friends, neighbors, or even slaves for your empire, and they turn out to be disappointing. Wouldn't it be better to wipe the slate clean and start anew?

5\. Humans are friendly, but they are a friend that nobody likes.

6\. Humans are physically ugly, and their culture is repulsive.

7\. You need somewhere nice and cozy to live, and Humans are occupying that space.

8\. Because your God/Gods demanded you to purge the Earth of all living beings.

9\. Cracking a planet apart is actually fun, don't you think? Let's start with Earth as a warming-up!

10\. Humans gave you a traffic ticket.

11\. Their babies will make excellent workers in your mines, and you thought about it.

Number three: INCOMPREHENSIBLE REASONS THAT YOU WON'T EVEN BOTHER TRY TO EXPLAIN TO THE PUNY EARTHLINGS.

Essentially, what motivates you to destroy Earth should not be easily explained to Humans. After all, we're aliens, yes? We don't need to conform ourselves to the laws and philosophies that Humans designed, just in case they suddenly got clever ideas and we got our asses handed to us in a matter of minutes, if not seconds. Do you want to know why? Let's take a look:

1\. Humans taste yummy (for carnivores).

2\. Earth plants and animals taste yummy (for omnivores).

3\. The planet Earth itself tastes yummy (for terravores if anyone's asking).

4\. Earth is a Death World populated with terrifying beasts, and it's your duty to eliminate them all.

5\. Something the Human race possesses makes for clean and cheap energy source, whether it's their souls, brains, blood, or what-have-you.

6\. For Science! (need we say more?)

7\. You can't stand seeing all the pain and suffering that permeated Earth for so long, so you believe that killing them all would release them from their worldly suffering.

8\. You've always considered Earth as your rightful kingdom, and if you can't have it, nobody can.

9\. It obstructs your view of Venus.

10\. You hate things like love, hope, morality, and philosophy so much, and Earth just happens to be brimming with all of them. So you have to obliterate it, obviously.

11\. You enjoy things like love, hope, morality, and philosophy because they are very important in life, and those goddamned Earthlings are standing in your way to attaining them all.

12\. As far as your species' historical record is concerned, Mars is located between two asteroid belts. SHOULD BE, and HAS ALWAYS BEEN between two asteroid belts.

13\. You destroyed Earth by accident.

Alright, are you done reading the list yet? I hope you find my writing to be highly informative. Do you have any more questions or complaints? No? Very good. Now go destroy Earth and do us all a favor! The fate of this galaxy rests on your shoulders! Make us all proud, you hear me you little genocidal geckos that everyone at Paradox Interactive knows and loves?!


End file.
